Monday November 13th, 2006

My week finished as follows:
Saturday- Gym work: legs and abs
Sunday -Long run:13km/8 miles (song in my head:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuqvflARVnI it's been there all weekend!)

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The Visit:

On Friday I met with my long lost gal pal.It was so wonderful seeing her again. We laughed,we cried,we laughed until we cried.
When I pulled into her driveway, I was sure I had the wrong house. I knocked on the door expecting a stranger to answer. I was all ready to say 'Hi.I think I have the wrong house,I am looking for number 16'
But it was her who answered! and I sceamed!
And then she looked at me and screamed!

After all that screaming, I told her she hadn't changed at all.She said that if I was walking by and not smiling,she wouldn't have recognised me.
I guess I have changed quite a bit-and not just in a wrinkly way.

We spent 4 hours laughing and crying and laughing until we cried,and thinking about incidents neither of us had thought about in years.
She remembered the incident that lead to our friendship.
We were at a camp in high school and a boy that she was mad about had started going out with another girl (who incidently was my closest friend in primary school) She spent the first day crying and crying about it.Her closest friend at the time was trying to console her-until I came along and made her laugh.
I do remember the camp-because I remembered being floored that someone could invest so much of her feelings into a goofy boy-but I don't remember what dorky things I did.

Still.It's a nice way to be remembered.

We will do some more hanging out soon!

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Yes, I was 'that' fat girl:

Up until 8 years ago, I weighed 92kg-I think that's 202 pounds.

I don't like thinking about it too much because,it makes me sad to think of how I was and the issues that lead me to that point in life.

I don't know how/why I decided to lose the weight.

On the surface I was a together type girl. I acted happy and I didn't act as though my weight restricted me in any way.

But,this was largely because I was very good at covering up my feelings.Fod became an easy way of supressing my feelings and if I could do that,then I could easily cover any feelings of shame and embarrasment I may have felt by being the 'funny' girl.

I guess despite all my front, and I mean ALLL my front,I did feel sad and I wanted change-so,when a friend mentioned a weight loss centre she was going to,I immediately decided to go.I had never considered it before.

I went for about 5 weeks,and as the weight came off,I just continued on my own.

But I had to confront the issues that had contributed to my weight.Loosing weight in itself doesn't make you a happier person. Your butt might sit better in jeans,but you will still be the same person with the same issues.

After 8 years,I'm still working on my psychological self.Apart from the harder things I've had to face, there's still a part of me that feels like that big girl.Cool on the outside,but embarrassed on the inside.

Now days I weigh between 55 and 60kg (120-130 pounds). I try not to obsess about numbers because that too once lead me down the wrong path.

Oh,and I was also a pack a day smoker.

Are you getting the sense that I need my emotional crutches?

HELLOOO RUNNING!

Eh.At least the worst that can happen with running is my uterus falls out.